People want to belong. One of the chief means of “belonging”, for the known history of the world, has been having and being a mate. Marriage has changed, of course. Long, long ago, marriage meant, for a woman, that she belonged to her husband. She may have been one of several or of many women owned by her husband. It’s still like that in some places, but in the Christian world, this sort of thing is frowned upon.
I say the Christian world because it is chiefly Judaism and then Christianity that has brought about the state of affairs in which a woman can say of her beloved, “He is mine” as well as the more widely accepted: “I am his”. But this is not a post about women’s rights, so I’ll move on to the main point of this particular passage. There are many reasons to marry, and also some good reasons to stay single. If we do choose to stay single, it doesn’t have to mean not belonging when we belong to God. Paul talks about the options in 1 Corinthians 7:25-40. He has some suggestions, but makes it clear that they are not for everyone.
Verses 25-27
Paul starts out by saying explicitly that he has no command from the Lord, but that he is going to offer his own advice. It’s important to remember this. As to his reference to “virgins”, he could be referring to any unmarried person or (more likely) to women specifically. In either case the meaning doesn’t change. Paul says concerning marriage that it’s fine to stay as one is. The married should not seek to become single and, because of the persecution they were undergoing, the unmarried should not seek to become married.
Verse 28
Again, Paul clarifies that this is his advice only and that not following it isn’t sin. Getting married is not sin. He wants to spare the Corinthian Christians from troubles (and if you’re married you know that it does bring troubles as well as blessings), particularly because of the persecution they were experiencing at that time.
Verses 29-31
Even if you are married, Paul says, you need to live for Christ first. You must hold the things that are dear to you lightly, for you could lose any of them at any moment, including beloved family members. The only thing or person we are guaranteed to be able to keep in this life is our Lord Jesus. If we grieve; if we rejoice; if we own things or use the world’s system, we must remember that none of it will last. The world as it is will soon pass away and may pass away for ourselves, personally, at any moment. We are only a breath away from eternity. We need to hold the things God has blessed us with in an open hand, knowing that we will keep them as long as God wills and no longer. Soon we will stand before Him. That is the most important thing.
Verses 32-35
Paul explains how an unmarried person can offer his or her full devotion to the Lord, while a married person must divide her concerns. It is important (and it is God’s will) that she please her husband as well as working for God. Likewise, it is God’s will that a married man work to bless his wife. Single people have only the Lord to please. It would be wrong, and displeasing to God, for a married person to disregard his/her spouse’s (and children’s) needs in order to devote all time to God. If we decide we will devote all our time and energy to God, we must not marry.
Verses 36-38
The term “his virgin” is here a bit ambiguous. It could refer to a man’s virgin daughter or to his virgin fiancee (or celibate companion) or to a female companion with whom he has exchanged vows of commitment but with whom he has agreed to a non-sexual relationship for the present. Paul says here that for a father to give his daughter in marriage or for a man to go ahead and marry his beloved companion and begin full marriage relations is not sin. He also states that for a man to remain unmarried is also not sin so long as he has self control. He concludes by saying that marrying is good but not marrying is better. This may or may not be the case in your situation. Elsewhere, Paul points out that strong desire is adequate grounds for marriage and that it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
Verses 39-40
Paul points out that a widow is free to remarry so long as she marries a man of like Christian faith. He believes that she will be happier if she remains single. Again, this depends on the situation. It’s a general statement and elsewhere, Paul councils young widows to marry and bear children.
Paul had rather a bent toward the single life and he admits that his advice that others follow his example in this instance is not from the Lord but from his own experience. He freely acknowledges that not everyone has the gift of graceful singleness or celibacy and he lays out conditions under which people are better off to marry. The Corinthians were undergoing persecution, and this also was a factor. That said, I agree with Paul that being single has its advantages. A lifestyle that doesn’t include marriage doesn’t have to be empty or meaningless when ones life is lived in and for the Lord. It can be rich and full of adventures that never could have happened in a married lifestyle. So if you’re single now, don’t write off either possibility. You don’t have to be married to someone in order to be a worthwhile person and you don’t have to remain single if you’re not cut out for that lifestyle. Only make sure that if you do marry, you choose a mate who is a genuine Christian and (and this is my own advice, but like Paul, I do think I have the Spirit of God on this) you would do best to choose a spouse who is at a level of spiritual maturity not too far different from your own level of maturity.
Grace and Peace and the Wisdom of God to you
Cindy
July 28, 2008 at 10:51 am
Reading through your review of 1 Cor 7, I’m curious of your thoughts on whether a Biblical Church should encourage marriage. Paul clearly says here that marriage is acceptable if you cannot control yourself, but it is better that people not marry. Given Paul’s clear statement that marriage distracts one from God (and if marriage, how much more so children?), shouldn’t the Christian church see marriage and family as necessary concessions to human weakness rather than cherished institutions?
Paul seems to echo Jesus here from Matt 19, where Jesus first says that no one should divorce except for infidelity, but then goes on to say that any that can accept to be a eunuch, should (I believe it fair to read “eunuchos” here as “celibate,” but that is debatable). Again, not saying that marriage is a sin, but Jesus seems to be saying that it is better to be celibate. Certainly anyone striving to be Christ-like would look to how He lived His own life.
Can you point to any NT scripture that encourages marriage and family (separate from forbidding divorce)? I’m trying to find the church’s basis for treating marriage as so central and important.
July 28, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Hi, Pan
Thanks for dropping by.
I don’t think a Biblical church should discourage marriage. In some situations, based on the individuals involved, I believe it would be appropriate for a pastor to encourage marriage. It might likewise be appropriate for the pastor to recommend that an individual consider celibacy. It just depends on the person and on the situation.
Neither Paul nor Jesus was in danger of ending the institution of marriage by encouraging those “to whom it was given” to pursue a life of celibacy, and both knew this.
If God had intended for more people to live lives of celibacy, I believe He would have given more people a disposition suited for celibacy. Paul clearly says that “it is better to marry than to burn”, and I don’t think he’s talking only about sexual desire (though that is included). I believe this includes the burning desire of most people to know someone intimately in the sense of companionship and mutual support and help.
It hasn’t been my own experience that the church has pushed marriage. Even the Roman Catholic church, which certainly pushes procreation within marriage, highly praises individuals who choose to live celibate lives.
The church does (and should) make a big deal of ministering to married couples and families. This is obviously a much needed service. People are hurting in their marriages and in their family life. I’d like to see more of this.
But no, I cannot point to any NT scripture that encourages people to get married and have lots of kids. In fact, I can’t think of any OT scriptures that do this (with the exception of God’s command to Adam and Eve), though I may be missing something.
I can point to many that support ministering to people who are married and who have families, but I don’t get the idea that this is what you’re looking for.
If I’ve missed your question here somehow, let me know, but I think I’ve understood it.
Grace and Peace,
Cindy
July 29, 2008 at 8:20 am
Yes this was the question. Your point of the Catholic favoring of celibacy is noteworthy, though they do still call marriage a sacrament which seems much more exalted than Paul or Jesus suggest it should be. I had been thinking mostly of Protestant groups, who often devote much time to seminars and sermons about marriage and family, topics Jesus spent almost no time discussing. Most noteworthy is the incredible energy that has gone into preventing marriage from including same-sex couples. I’m not saying same-sex marriage would be Biblical, only that there seems to be a huge amount of energy going into stopping it compared to the energy spent preventing divorce (which Jesus explicitly forbade). No one has seriously suggested a Constitutional ammendment against no-fault divorce for instance, and there is no serious pressure to roll back no-fault divorce laws. If the Bible sets the priorities for the church, the church seems to have its priorities out of line.
Even having pastors and priests perform marriage seems out of place. There’s no mention of Jesus or the Apostles performing marriages. Why should the church be involved?
I will object to one point you made:
Would you say that if God had intended us to be obedient to Him, He would have given more people a disposition suited for it? Is studying human nature how Christians should determine God’s will?
Thank you for you thoughts. I appreciate the detailed discussion of 1 Cor.
July 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
Hi, Pan
I’ll address your points (mostly) in order so I don’t forget anything. First, I believe the Catholic church is not alone in calling marriage a sacrament. It is such by its very nature, being a covenant enacted in the presence of God. Matthew 19:3-6 “. . . Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Therefore, it seems appropriate to me that the marriage ceremony be performed by a priest or minister, though not necessary. I believe God considers it equally sacred and binding if performed by a justice of the peace or by a friend of the couple or even a passing stranger. It might not be so in court, but God sees our covenants, wherever we might make them.
You’re right in saying that the church spends a lot of time on marriage seminars, sermons, books, etc. It does seem to be a contradiction however, for you to then turn around and accuse the church of not making an effort to prevent divorce. That’s what all the seminars, etc. are about–preventing divorce. There might be the odd seminar about fighting same sex marriage, but it would be lonesome next to all those designed to strengthen marriages and families.
I think it’s appropriate for the church to be involved in political matters in the free world, just as it’s appropriate for Pagans to promote their interests, homosexuals to promote theirs, etc., etc. Why would the church be the only organization that should not try to make its collective voice heard? In the US, we’re all supposed to have a say and it’s considered to be our duty as citizens to work for what we believe to be the best interests of our nation and its people.
The church, which is basically a lot of people who are united by their Lord, nevertheless can’t be expected to have an opinion that is never at odds with one another. Unfortunately, we’re not perfect yet. That said, I think the general consensus of the church is that trying to prevent divorce by legislation is a battle we could not win, and possibly a battle that, once won, would prove to be similar to prohibition. In other words, marriages would separate regardless of the law.
Same sex marriage, however, is, at least at present, a battle that has been going well with the American people. Just not so well with the liberal court system. The church in general (not the whole church, and not everyone who claims to be the church) holds that marriage is the union of one man and one woman (see Matthew 19). We believe that same sex marriage is one more attack on the Judeo-Christian foundation of this country.
There are no Christian nations, but ours was founded in large part by Christians and by people of similar moral beliefs. That is a valid foundation for a nation. We believe that, as we step away from those roots, our nation becomes weaker. You may disagree and that is your right, but if so, we disagree with your disagreement.
As for the celibacy issue . . . perhaps disposition is the wrong word for me to have used. Gifting may have been preferable. I do believe God fits people out for the life He intends them to live, however. If his plans for you included being a song leader for a group of believers, for example, it would most likely be a good idea for Him to give you a good voice and a sense of rhythm. (not that song leaders always have that, alas
)
God does give us a disposition suited to obeying Him–when we believe. That’s the whole point of the kingdom within us. Too many Christians try to live life by obeying a set of rules. It’s like trying to get to the moon by building a really long ladder. No matter how hard you try, you’re doomed to failure. Instead, get into the rocket. It will take you there. If you want to live a life consistent with God’s will, get into Christ. Look at Him; learn about Him; love Him; study His words (all of them–not just the ones in red–He’s God, after all. Everything in the Bible attributed to God can be equally attributed to Christ.) Meditate on scripture, spend time alone with God, pray, worship. You will come by the good works on the way. And if you don’t come by the good works, you may be sure you’re not on the Way.
God bless,
Cindy